What words do you choose to use when sharing your story? Both tellers and listeners may have fences around the words they share and/or are willing to listen to.
I was once in a long term residency program at a school as a teaching artist. After my first visit with the children I was asked not to use the word magic in the classroom for the rest of the residency. I was surprised as this hadn’t come up in our previous conversations.
I wasn’t sure I could do this, but I was willing to try. The very next time I visited the children it was different. Way different. Despite reminding myself numerous times prior to the visit – that word magic just kept popping out of my mouth..
The funny thing is I doubt I would have used the word at all had the educator not made such a point of it. It wasn’t a word that I used that often.
At this point in time magic is a favorite word of mine, in part because of this story and because after giving it much thought I believe all words have a place and it is important we all have access to them.
However, if I use words that a listener has built a fence around, I run the risk of having them notice the word and shutting out anything else I say. And, if I don’t use the full pallette of words that are available to me, I also run a risk – that of not sharing the whole story as I feel it needs to be told.
For example I have a story I tell that uses the word fuck. One day I was sharing this very fresh and new story with a close friend when I used a phrase like “I was fucked” and I immediately noticed the change in my friend. They turned right off. The thing was, fuck was the exact word I needed – nothing else fit. And so our conversation changed from the story I was telling to one about the appropriateness of the word I’d used.
As an artist who paints pictures with words my thought is that there are not any words that I cannot use, as long as I am not throwing them at someone. As a storyteller I want to connect and try to be aware of what words and phrases the folks I’m sharing with may find objectionable and therefore stop listening. On the other hand, as a listener I try very hard to listen for the context rather than the individual words. I want to be able to open the gate to my own fences in case I encounter a word or phrase that really turns me off and then I stop listening. And, I want to be able to be present so that we can talk this kind of thing through so that each of us understands the other more fully. But it isn’t easy.
You might want to know the end of my magic story. I shared with the teacher that I just didn’t think I could keep that word from flying out of my mouth and offered them the opportunity to get another teaching artist. Luckily they decided to keep me around. And, I doubt I ever said magic in the classroom again.
For today, consider the words you or others use as you listen to and share stories. What fences do you find within or with others? If you want to bring up this topic in a conversation you might find some magic of your own in the discussion!
Your comments are always welcome, please share them with me here or on Twitter, my handle is @MKClark150.
Enjoy the stories and have playful day!
– Mary
P.S. If your story, in this moment, was a fence, is it keeping something or someone out, or allowing something or someone in?
